Too Messy?

"God could never use me, I'm too messed up."

How many times has this thought crossed your mind?  I know with me, I have thought that a lot.  This is tough for me to admit, but here goes.  My life is a mess.  For as long as I can remember, I knew that there was a God and had a longing to know Him better.  I have wanted to be a godly person, but when I look back on my life what I mostly see is a broken, crooked path littered with mistakes and failure. 

I want to be a good person.  I don't intend to fail.  I want to learn from my mistakes, rid my life of all distractions, and run into the arms of Jesus.  Yet most of the time, I feel like I am running 100 mph in the wrong direction.  Running away from Jesus and into the arms of my own life.  My own mess. 

My dreams seem like they should have me tagging along behind Jesus, wanting and needing for him to choose me as one of his disciples.  Without warning, he turns around, looks straight into my eyes, and says "Follow me."  My heart drops as I start to run after him, then he stops me and says "Oh, not you.  I was talking to the guy behind you."

Based on what I just said, how could I be a Youth Pastor?  How can someone whose life seems so unspiritual, talk to others about following Christ?  How can God use someone with so many faults to lead others to Him?  I constantly read about all these spiritual, perfect people in the Bible.  Oh wait....

Let's take a closer look at the Bible.  It's pages overflow with messy people.  Take Noah for example.  God called on this man to carry on the existence of the world.  Yet, everyone thought he was crazy.  He probably was a little strange, but he was also courageous, a man of great faith, and had a very strong will.  Against the unrelenting ridicule of all those around him, Noah built a huge boat in the middle of desert because God told him to.  The rains came, the flood happened, and after the water receded, Noah triumphantly left the boat.....and got drunk and got naked.   Noah was the model of great faith, but also had a losing battle with wine.  Yet, he is listed in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews. 

David was also a brilliant, God-loving, courageous, loyal man.  The same David that conquered Goliath was the same David that took another man's wife, impregnated her and then had her husband killed.  Yet, this is the same David that God called "a man after my own heart". 

Turns out all of the biblical characters were a complex mix of strengths and weaknesses that failed to reach perfection.  All but one.  Let's take a look at Him. 

The only people that Jesus hung out with were seemingly perfect people who had their lives together, right?  No.  Jesus hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers, mental cases, and losers of all kinds.  You might say Christianity has a tradition of messy spirituality.  Messy prophets, messy kings, messy disciples, messy apostles.  Guess what?  We are no different. 

God doesn't want us to get our lives together before coming to Him.  So many people think that God can't use them, or they are too broken for God.  "If only I could become a better person, then God would accept me."  All God uses are messy people.  Why are we any different?  I have breaking news.  Get ready for this.......  No one is perfect.  There was only one perfect person to ever walk this earth, and He died for your messy life.  He knew that you can't keep your life clean, so He gave his life instead. 

Spirituality is not a test, it's not a formula.  It's a relationship.  Spirituality is not about competency, it's about intimacy.  Most importantly, spirituality is NOT about perfection, it's about connection.  Connection with Jesus. 

Let go of seeking perfection and trying to become better before coming to Christ.  Let go of getting down on yourself because of your imperfections.  Stop trying to fix yourself.  Spirituality is not about being fixed, it's about God being present in our life despite our imperfections. 

When we come to terms with our messy life and realize that God can use us, and wants to use us despite of our mess, that's when the real fun begins.   That's when the real Jesus meets the real us.