Letter to my Mom

This blog is dedicated to the first woman I've ever loved.  My mom.

With Mother's Day approaching, this week I caught my self reminiscing on what my Mom actually means in my life.  I thought of different ways I could honor Mother's Day.  Send a card?  Flowers?  Chocolates?  I couldn't decide.  Although she'll be getting something from me, I couldn't stop thinking about the impact she has meant in my life.  I thought I would put something in print for her to read anytime she wanted to Google it.  I was thinking of different things I could tell you about her, and different ways I could write about her in this blog, but after countless deletes and re-writes, I couldn't get it straight.  I decided that the best way would be to directly talk to her.  My open letter to my first love.

Dear Mom,

I wanted to write you this letter to thank you for who you are, but where do I begin?

You loved me before anyone else.  You taught me to read, to love, how important manners are, how to wash my own laundry.   You changed me, fed me, bathed me, and you even pulled that GI Joe out of me when I sat on it in the bathtub (I'm sure Dad would have dry-heaved trying to get that soldier to retreat from his covert mission).

To sum it all up:  You love me.

You have loved me at my best and you have loved me at my worst.  As I sit here thinking of examples to give for both my best and my worst, I can only find examples for when you have loved me at my worst.  I think that says so much about you.

Sure, we have had some incredible times together.  Times when I quite honestly took you for granted.  One of my greatest all-time memories is when I was about 9 and we were at Grandma Wyatt's house.  I pretended to fall asleep on the living room floor because I didn't want to brush my teeth before bed.  As I squinted my eyes to make it seem like they were closed, I saw you walking towards me.  I thought that you were going to wake me up to get ready for bed and I was bummed out.  Instead, you knelt down beside me, kissed me on the cheek, and whispered in my ear "Goodnight, Matthew.  I love you."  It is a memory I've held on to and remember each night when I kiss Mikaila goodnight.

The times that stand out to me most are the worst years of my life.  Times where I know that I've broke your heart, but that heart was never broken enough to stop pouring love into me.  The day I snuck out of the house while you were sleeping and woke you up.  The day when I stole money from your purse to get soda from the school.  The day I told you about my addiction.  The days that you visited me in jail.  The day I told you about my relapse.  The day I checked into rehab.  All days that I know broke your heart, but all days that showed me how unconditional your love is for me.  You were there through my recovery, championing me through it, willing me through it, praying me through it, but most of all....loving me through it.

I feel that I don't give you enough credit for who you truly are.  It seems that Dad's get a lot of the attention and respect in a family while Mom's sit back, do all the dirty work, and sometimes become invisible.  I want you to know that you are not invisible.  I love Dad, but you are my hero.

Thank you for the very big shoes you've given others to fill.  There are some days when I think it would be easier if I didn't have such a big legacy, that mediocrity would be a breath of fresh air.  But that's not you, and that's not me because of you.  Thank you for living life full-out, saying things that others are afraid too.  Thank you for your faith, for being a pioneer, and setting the bar so high.  The life that I see in front of me is because of you.  I've been called a mama's boy more than once, and it's a badge I wear with honor.  I'm proud to be the son of such an incredible woman.  You have been, and continue to be, the most perfect mother for me.  Although I haven't had a perfect past, I will honor you by how others see the man I am today

Mom, thank you for making me realize that I'm worth everything in this world.  I'm worth it because of you.  If I could fly to the moon and write your name on it, I would.  Until then, I'll continue loving you to the moon and back.  Over and over.

"Goodnight, Mom.  I love you."